The voice within

No retakes

2008-02-16T22:34:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine had asked me sometime back "Do you have any regrets in life?" I was riding on a crest that time and had replied - "None". Within a year, I landed in a trough :D Thats the way life is I guess, but thats not what I am going to write about. What I will write about is some things I regret.

Being the victim of an injustice is painful. Being the perpretator of the same is worse. This is an apology to a dear dear friend - nothing will ever be enough to repair the damage caused. No excuses, nobody to blame - I shall forever bear the responsibility of things not remaining the same. Wishing you the best in everything, always.

Stage fright causes more harm than one can imagine. A full auditorium felicitating me for an award, my parents in the first row and the fear to speak in front of a large audience robs me of a chance to thank my parents for the freedom to choose my path and the faith that I can follow it.Thank you Daddy and Mummy for being the best I could ask for.

A paradigm shift

2008-02-15T00:03:00.001-08:00

In the last few years at Kharagpur I have seen several alumni returning to their alma mater and spaking about their time at IIT. They talk about inspiring professors and how the education they received here helped them in their pursuits. And it makes me wonder, would I say the same after 30 years? Would we talk of stimulating lectures and problem solving exercises that sharpened the acumen? Or talk of inter-halls and internships and fests and the like?

The "IIT experience" has changed over the years. Things have become simpler and its because of the students who were here some 30-40 years ago. What remains to be seen is whether 30 years hence, we would be coming down to talk about the lease of life IITs have given us.

Life eej hard

2008-02-03T10:37:00.000-08:00

I have been enjoying the episodes of Boy Meets World the last few days - a tv series I used to watch on DD-Metro around 10 years back. Life is so simple on TV, if we dont consider the hyper-dramatic hindi tv serials (that have to zoom into an actor's face thrice in order to get his/her expression across), and things turn out for the best - people understand each other, if not initially then sooner or later, they support each other, find the right things to say during an argument, give the best advice on work and relationships, they end up making the right decisions and taking the right steps - well it's pretty much a goody-goody world and so unlike the world we encounter on a daily basis. Most of us dish out advice without thinking - do we even realise that we are taking upon ourselves the responsibilty of what happens in the situation in question? Do people really understand each other after a fight or do they just keep it aside for another day? Do we see the good in people with time or hold on to our biases and prejudices? In life, people dont always make the right decisions - they screw up and find out that they cant correct things. And the result is that you not only have to deal with mistakes of your own but of also those around you who affect your life.
They say life inspires art - at least in art, you know what the end should be. Life keeps you guessing! Or the way it's aptly put in the ad for HardMint - Life eej hard!

The rise of Ravana

2007-11-23T13:00:00.000-08:00

One of the most fascinating things about Dussehra is the "Rabana Podi" - the burning of a huge effigy of Ravana, which is filled with crackers inside. As I grew up, and the previous generation in our family grew older, we stopped visiting this event because of the inevitable traffic jams that one could get caught in. Not to be disappointed, my brother and I, we used to make a small cut out of Ravana, paste crackers on to it and then burn it (yes, kids love destruction). What we started, was taken up by a lot of enthusiasm by our chhotumotu cousins. Under their patronage, Rabana Podi became a popular event and our family comes together to witness this on the terrace of my grandfather's house.

Our Ravana was a few inches tall, this year's was 7 feet tall. Our Ravana stood with the support of two bricks, their latest creation stood on a wooden platform supported by nails. It had clothes, ten heads with crowns and royal robes. It was filled with hay inside which was infested with all kinds of crackers (I just realized I dont know the names of the crackers in English). It was a wonder to behold and to imagine all the physics that had gone into building it - the physics that is known to two 15 year olds, one 12 year old and one 10 year old. They had a toolbox with a mechanical drill, hammer, nails, saw and what not. The effigy took them a night out to make with ideas pouring in from all members. The youngest of them all had his own contribution to make - he focussed on making Ravana anatomically correct (dont ask me how :P)

The day of the event, we gathered on the terrace at a safe distance from the lord of Lanka. My uncle did the honours, he was Lord Ram for the day. And it began, the two legs caught fire first, which quickly spread to the torso and the hands. Bang! Whoosh! Sizzle! Crack! And claps and shouts and screams and laughs. We watched as their creation blew up in parts. I looked at them - and they were beaming with pride at having performed better than last year.

A few more minutes and a dismembered Ravana stood before us - two heads and one hand was what was left. And my little brothers were already discussing how to ensure that all body parts blew up next year.

It happened last night!

2007-09-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

Born into a cricket crazy nation and having in my family an army of 18 brothers who worship cricket, it has been impossible for me to be indifferent to cricket. A colony reputed spin-bowler (underarm) in my school days :P, I too grew up on cricket. However, the 2003 World Cup left me bitter. Hopes, sky high hopes crashed that night and took me far far away from this game. So close! Sooo close! I thought India could never come this close to winning the World Cup ever again.
I didnt watch any of the league matches of Twenty-20. But the finals, yes the finals, and team India fighting Pakistan for the first ever World Cup of its kind, I could not look away. Yesterday, I was re-initiated...

24th September 2007

Friends @ 9am- India is playing the finals against Pakistan. This is going to be some match!!!
Aehn. I dont want to watch it. I cant take another world cup final again. Last time I had the Indian flag painted on my face.. and...

Brother @ 4pm- Didi aaji match dekhibu ta? (You will watch the match right?)
Me- Not sure re. Maybe not. You have a paper tomorrow. Dont forget to study.
I know he will watch the whole match. I hope he studies for his paper. I wonder if India will be able to win this. I guess they have been playing well. I'll find out what happens anyway.

Friend @ 5:30pm - I had an accident last night. Didnt break any bones thankfully. Finding it slightly difficult to walk. Didnt go to office today. Will watch the match :)
Me- Accident!! You are ok right?
Friend - Ya. I'll talk to you later. India wins the toss and decides to bat.
Uff ye ladke. Match me dukh dard sab bhool jaate hain. India batting first eh. Hope they score well.

Wingie (overheard) at 6pm - Yaar yeh common room ke TV me acche se nahi aa raha hai. Phir bhi kitne log hain.
Erina says there are updates on the Telegraph ka site. I'll watch it there.

Shouts from the common room
Jaoon kya? Naah.. room pe hi updates dekh loongi.

Updates forgotten, I start doing something else.

Overheard sometime around 7pm- India 157/5.
Bas. Australia ke against to 188 kiya tha na? itna bas. yaar yeh kya baat hui. Tcchhhh.. haar jaayegi.

Around 7:30pm
Yaar yeh Telegraph ki site kitni slow hai.
Uproar from the common room.
Koi out hua shayad. Yeah... 3rd wicket down. Hmm.. not a bad start.

Wingie @ 8pm - Chal khaane chalte hain.
Uproar from the common room.
Wingie- Koi out hua shayad.
Me- dekh na. Jaldi dekh... oh yay!! 76/5. Mujhe lagta hai India inko bowled out kar dega.
Bol to diya.. yaar aisi baatein bolni nahi chahiye. Please please God.. India ko jita do.

At the mess table, fellow diner - yeh baigan hamesha kyun banta hai!!!
Uproar from the common room again.
Me- Yiipppeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! (Most eyes are on me now) I cant sit here. I have to see the match!!!
yaar.. kya hum aaj jitenge.. India.. un logon ko out karo.. jaldi karo.. we will win this world cup

@ the common room (I have never seen it that crowded before)
Someone - Afridi out, afridi out!!!
bhagwaan.. india ko jita do...

after some balls,
79 off 50 balls... good good.. thats right... keep the run rate low.. good :)

7th wicket down...
I knew it!! Main jaanti thhi.. Pakistan bowled out hoga aaj :)

We find a drum from an end of the common room.
Ab maza aayega... !

Harbhajan's over, first 6
Me- Yaar le lo.. ek 6 do de hi sakte hain!!
yeh drum unlucky hai. isko wapas rakh dete hain

second 6
Mujhe wo bolna nahi chahiye tha. Aur drum kyun laaye yaar :(

third 6
Me- Oh no!
yaar main room wapas jaati hoon.. ghar me hamesha yehi hota hai.. i cant handle the pressure..

in my room, frustrated by the lag in Telegraph score card..
yaar yaar.. yeh Haq kya hai.. isko out karo na.. kya yaar.. aise hi maarte rahega kya??
daddy will be saying, "these b******s, why cant they keep the runrate in check" , rahul (brother) will be tearing his hair apart, tears welling up in his eyes...
why I am so worried.. these are just matches.. someone will win.. someone will lose.. kya hai....

nahi yaar.. india ko jeetna chahiye..

Pakistan score keeps ticking by sixes, Sohail batting 138/7
Oh no oh no no nonononononoooooo ek aur wicket lo na....
yeh Sohail kahan se aa gaya!! uff

Unable to handle the tension, I seek the support of my neighbour Erina.

17 runs from 7 balls, 9 wickets down..
oh my god oh my god... yaar ek aur wicket bas ek aur.. asif ko is ball me out kar do...

4 runs!!
uff... phir bhi 13 runs 6 balls.. there is hope.. oh no.. ab to haq batting karne aaayega

12 runs 5 balls...
good good.. aise hi.. run mat do...

6 runs 4 balls
........................................................................................

The silence. The anticipation, the tiny thread of hope.

And then... the deafening cheer. Its over. We win. Its happened.

Me -Maine kaha tha na! All out ho jaayenge!
Ab to main kuchh bhi bol sakti hoon :)

Thank you Team India, for winning the World Cup. Its four years late, but it could not have been better. And yes, we defeated the Aussies too this time! :)

Snowy

2007-09-18T18:53:00.000-07:00

The many walks he made me take him on just to check out a new smell in the neighbourhood,
the Diwali nights I would spend comforting him when the sound of crackers scared him out of his life,
the times I fed him with my hands because the lunch didnt look interesting enough to be tasted,
the umpteen times he got into trouble while chasing a cat, dog, bird or cow and I had to bring him back home,
the sound of his bark as he welcomed me home after school or after some months at college,
the sound of his chain hitting the bowl as he gulped down his favourite meal,
the times he would jump on the sofa when no one is looking,
the times I would make him listen to my teenage woes because I didnt have friends who cared,
the times he would ignore me because I was bothering him too much,
the breezy summer days when he would sit on the lawn and taste the air with his tongue,
the look on his face and the spring in his leap when you tempt him with a rasagulla,
the times he would flip and look at you as if to say "love me",
and all the other times when he would just be around,
those were the good times, the warm "snowy" times of my life :)

Its been a year since he died, and not a day passes without remembering him. More than a companion and a friend, he was like a child to me, a naughty kid who knew that he could get his way with his doting mom (:D) I am sure pet lovers will know what I mean. Miss you snowy